Is now the time that my rough edges get worn down? The greatest suffering of all is not knowing why you’re suffering. To remain creative, one must remain a blur of a person – forever distrustful of job titles, personal labels and social allegiances. To continue to put the individual ahead of the group.
In some sense it sounds immature and impractical. But in another sense, it’s the only source of meaning in my life. At least I don’t wear it as badge of honor anymore – like someone desperate to prove their uniqueness. After all, it’s the drawing the line in the that hurts.
I’m most fearful of losing my way, and awakening to a state of despondency and mediocrity decades down the line. It’s the fear of that regret that drives me. But am I just replacing that regret with another? Do I regret what I’ve done in the past 5 years? No – but I’m in search of clarity.